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HOW IT FEELS TO BE A MOTHER OF A CHILD WITH ADHD  AND AUTISM

It is a blessing to have someone calling you mother.  There’s nothing fulfilling like watching your child grow and achieving greater things in life, the graduation, wedding, having their own children – you becoming a grandmother, it’s fascinating.  However the joys are just as much as the challenges.

Being a mother, striving to be a perfect parent is a challenge.  We live in a world that is contaminated with bad influencers.  What I find to be more challenging is being a mother of a child with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and Attention Deficit or Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

Early treatment of these disorders is important, but they not easy to detect.  Some mothers live with their children not knowing that they’re the victims of these disorders.  Some lose their children to narcotics,  alcohol, and death.

Children find themselves on the bad side of the law, unemployed, facing divorce, and loneliness.  I honesty feel that this discussion is exhausted, but I just want to share my experience, and perhaps help a struggling mother out there who’s about to give up.

When your child experience these disorders you are often embarrassed, ridiculed, ashamed as your child will scream at you, swear at you.  You will be poor and depressed because of the money you have to spend on anger management and sessions with psychologists, and psychiatric institutions, and watching your child in such a state.

SIGNS OF ADHD

ADHD can manifest in three ways;  inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsive.

INATTENTION

You may think that your child is lazy and cheeky as he may be disorganized, not pay attention to what he is doing, make careless mistakes, not completing chores, not following instructions, moving from one incomplete task to another, lack focus.  He may be forgetful, easily destructed, have trouble staying on one topic while talking and not listening to others.  This last into adulthood.  Some children ultimately adjust, some don’t.

As adults they have trouble managing time, poor concentration and organizational skills, not able to set goals, problem with relationships.  They experience learning problems, drop out of school.  Low self-esteem, low tolerance for frustration or boredom may lead to substance abuse, and they may have periods of anxiety or depression.

HYPERACTIVITY

Your child will be restless, run around, unable to sit still, climb a lot when it’s not appropriate, talkative, and have trouble participating in group activities.

IMPULSIVITY

Your child may be very impatient, having hard time waiting to talk or react, interrupt or intrude on others, causing problem in social or work settings, and start conversations at inappropriate time.

AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDER (ASD)

Autism also show same signs as ADHD, but in its case the rate is three times higher than in general population.  It affects the way a person understand the world around him.  It affects the way he think, feel, and interact with others.  He may scream very loud because of inability to express himself, and this is because part of the brain’s interpretation ability is missing.  He battles to understand other people’s emotions.

NEGATIVE RESPONSE

Often people with Attention Deficit or Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) are interpreted as lazy, immature, rude or violent.  Blaming them for their mistakes or judgment exacerbates their conditions, they get frustrated because of difficulty in expressing themselves, and this may lead to anxiety.

Isolating them worsen their compromised ability to function effectively in daily life.  Overprotection and feeling sorry for them deters improvement of their self-esteem.  Disappointments are bad for anybody, but it’s worse for them as they have low tolerance for frustration.  It is therefore in their best interest to avoid promises that you can’t fulfill.

POSITIVE RESPONSE

The structure, clear, and organised upbringing is very crucial.  Controlling emotions is very important.  As a mother or parent you must learn to be calm even when you angry, smile while you hurting, and love while you being mistreated.

Your child screams or sometimes swears at you, and may be aggressive.  But he still is your child.  You are the only person who knows the reason behind that behavior, and you’re the only person who wants the best for him.

Control your anger, and avoid showing that you disappointed, angered or hurt by his behavior as such reaction will frustrate him later after the episode.  Allow yourself to be a punching bag,  the anger is only a motion for that matter.

Do not walk away, it doesn’t work in this case, but can make things worse as he may feel ignored and get more frustrated.  Try to avoid saying negative things that may hurt him and make him feel useless and unwanted.

Don’t loose hope, and never give up on your child.  Think positive, even on worse periods.  Pray for courage, and encourage your child to pray.  When he’s calm say all positive things to make him feel good about himself and happy.

Don’t compare your child to other children.  Allow him to develop or learn at his own pace, let him do what he likes or enjoy, and let him be who he is.

There’s a lot of educational programs that provides education in safe and good environments for children with Attention Deficit or Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and  Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).  They include Waldorf education system, home schooling, online education and tutors.  Keep supporting your child.  There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

I am not a professional in this field, but life and experience has taught me everything I know.  I am simply sharing my experiences.  I will therefore appreciate your contributions through comments and questions.

3 Comments

  1. Thanks for sharing your experience on this. I do not have a child but i know that someday i will and that is why this means a whole lot to me. I now understand why it is important to give the kid so much attention when they have these problems. I now know the symptoms of autism as well. I really d hope that more people will see this article and learn from this. Nice article.

  2. Wow, this is wonderful. Motherhood is truly a joyful thing but this doesn’t mean that it doesn’t come with stress and sometimes pain too. In this post, you covered those mothers that have to deal with kids with some challenges. It can really be though one for them and in many cases, they will need to spend so much money and time. Unfortunately, many mothers do not know about this problem as you have said here. I will share this post for the sake of awareness

    1. Thank you John for stopping by.  I highly appreciate your time and comments.

      All the best.

      Sandikazi

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